January 2012
24 posts
Anonymous asked: I'm well. I'm glad you are doing okay. Your posts have seemed so despondent lately. What happened with Emma?
“It’s a new year. You can be anything you want. You can do anything you want. You...”
– Twitter / @claytoncubitt (via claytoncubitt)
Write me a bridge away from the storm
I don’t know the words to the song you were born to sing
But I know your fingers will bleed when you play the chords
And maybe you’ll need me then like I need you now
When I say that I miss you I’ll mean something more
I mean I’ve been biding my time till you kiss me again
I keep poems like secrets then tell them when I’m tired
Of hiding who I am
I am...
I just want the woods so bad
Bark on trees and banana slugs
Emma in the tall grass
Great blue skies
Mountains standing firm behind us
I imagine a cool breeze, my hair is long
I’m trying to walk towards you but the grass is tall
So I lay down and it’s glorious
Because its you and me
And we made it
Roll the dice
If you’re going to try, go all the way.
Otherwise, don’t even start.
If you’re going to try, go all the way.
This could mean losing girlfriends,
Wives, relatives, jobs and
Maybe your mind.
Go all the way.
It could mean not eating for 3 or
4 days.
It could mean freezing
On a park bench.
It could mean jail,
It could mean derision,
Mockery,
Isolation,
Isolation is...
Anonymous asked: how are you?
this one time
standing in the corner of the room next to Devon
and they are standing next to the door that opens to the backyard
and all of a sudden he pulls out a knife and he says, woman don’t fuck with me.
and my grandma stood really still
and no one made eye contact
flaked on my friend to be by myself
whatever that means
now i’m home listening to fiona apple and natalie merchant
drinking merlot
and vacuuming in my underwear
am i lame or completely sexy
This life takes your heart
And It shatters it
And puts all the pieces into a blender
And then flushes the rest down the toilet
And then makes the sun rise so beautifully
Every fucking morning
i’m heartbroken and it hurts
i haven’t been able to get you off my mind
not like i’ve been trying really hard to forget you
going to our favorite restaurants
eating your favorite ice cream
listening to our songs
i don’t even like flying lotus
i used to pretend i was asleep, and i’d watch you play your guitar
if only i could yell at you to stop losing your keys again
if only i could even just...
I think I’m forever emotionally stunted at 15 years old. There’s no moving forward from here. I am destined to always love Gilmore Girls and The Format. I think of Keaton so often. He was such a big part of my life, and I still haven’t met him. The Internet boyfriend who got away, I suppose. I still know his phone number by heart.
In 2012 I will probably do what I’ve been doing since 2008.
Get high, make up extravagant plans to escape, and then press the snooze on my alarm once more. Maybe this year I’ll take a night class.
One of these days I’ll just
finally
go
To thine own self be true.
I miss you
But I guess I don’t miss you that much…
Emma
December 2011
21 posts
Then I woke up and the hills were green again
How many steps to you
That street in the country
Your hammock in the yard, wooden swing, fire pit
Remember the day the fireflies came to visit
The old German graveyard we would make out in
Max in the kitchen baking us cake
Vedi vini vici
You always did
Ladybug
Don’t let me go
I might never get over you, girl
But I’m going to fucking die trying
Title
She leaves the faucet running for
So
Long
You loved our Earth
So much
There are bodies of memories
I have swam in memories of her
Body, seas of so many words…
I wish there had been a lighthouse
To lead us
We were so blind to those things
Playing house, and maybe it could have worked
With some stickier glue
I miss you
Has our ship sailed
“I never meant to fire lover
I know you never meant to fire”
Sometimes the weight of the ocean sits...
Jolie
I love you so much it makes my soul tender.
Adults are just children
In their mothers lace night gown
And their fathers dress shoes
All of the time
the proper care and feeding of introverts
h lee calig
sometimes
i think i don’t hate you as much as i do, and then you say something on the internet that makes me want to slowly sand your skin off with sandpaper. but then lick your wounds clean. and then pull your eyelashes out with tweezers.
weird
it makes me kind of sad when very attractive people have very unattractive siblings.
like the attractive one must feel guilty and incredibly happy that they aren’t the unattractive one pretty much 99% of the time and that must suck because mixed feelings are very difficult to understand and deal with
and the unattractive one must feel incredibly unhappy 100% of the time. especially when...
new plan
Move to the East valley.
Buy a bigger bookcase.
Make an effort to be at home more.
Read one book per week.
Finally quit my job; probably work in some bar.
Go back to school.
Study poetry.
Wake up by 7 am every day.
Meditate at least 30 mins per day.
Not talk so much.
Tuesday
So I was looking through my blog. It’s pretty much the most perfect representation of myself, and I don’t know how I feel about that. But I like seeing all my old memories. I like seeing all my old lovers. I loved them so much.
November 2011
5 posts
Thanksgiving
I am so Thankful that Emma and I broke up. Finally regaining a sense of self, and an expanded awareness. Body/soul/mind… where I am is exactly where I must be. And I’m thankful that I’m 21.
Alone in my apt. It’s clean as hell in here, and I’ve been sleeping with Anna for almost 2 weeks. She’s really nice, appreciative, and picks up the tab. Each of my years...
I have a disease
the wanna fuck every girl I see disease jesus christ make it stop
Although my boss did have a sit down with me to talk about the “direction” my life is going in and maybe I should “stick to the grass” for a while. And then we smoked a blunt and went to see Paranormal Activity.
Tuesday
So two days ago I had probably way too much to drink and I stumbled into work and then got bit by my huge guard dog (straight for the juggler) and had to go to the emergency room and get a shot. Oh yeah and I puked all over the place. And then my bosses made me watch the whole thing caught on our security cameras while listening to The Godfather theme song. I wasn’t fired but I was pretty...